Dig into the complaint, and you’ll hear something like this…

“We do a lot of talking,
but there’s rarely any action.”

The action that they think is missing are decisions. People want to leave the meeting with closure, and that means generating options and deciding which to pursue.

Because you want to be a person of action, you need to be a person that helps a group decide.

You can do so by taking five specific actions when you are running the show. And even if you aren’t formally in charge, suggest these actions as an engaged, and helpful, meeting participant.

Tell people they’ve reached a decision point

The default activity in a meeting is discussion. That activity will continue until someone, and by someone I mean you, alerts the group that the default is no longer the right activity.

While it might seem obvious to you, others in the group might not recognize that they have arrived at a decision point. You can help them see this by saying something that shifts the activity. Try this…

“It looks like we have a decision to make.”

State what you view to be the question, and check with the group to see if they agree.

While you’ll later hear complaints if the group doesn’t make a decision, you may also get some resistance from some people in the meeting when you attempt to move from discussion to decision.

Discussion might be boring and somewhat unproductive, but for most people it’s safe and reasonably comfortable.

Decision-making, on-the-other-hand, feels a lot riskier. When people sense danger, they try to avoid it. In this case, they’ll simply keep talking.

Stick to original statement, “We’ve got to decide.” Then do your best to frame the right question for the group. Afterall, a decision is simply the answer to a question.

Caution: There are almost always multiple ways to ask the question and what you ask makes a big difference on what the answer is.

Clarify the options

Once people agree on the question, your next task is to identify options.

If you listen well to the preceding discussion, there are already some options that are obvious. In the simplest decisions, the status quo is usually one of the options, and making a change is another.

You can speed the process along, by telling the group the options you’ve already heard.

Don’t limit the group, though. Doing so will make folks cranky. Ask people what options they think should be included on the list of possibilities.

Try to keep people from talking about the options yet. You’re goal should be to simply identify the possibilities.

As each option is identified, it helps to write them down, so they are visible to everyone. This might be on a white board, flip chart, or within the collaboration tool you’re using for a virtual meeting.

Discuss decision criteria

You’re almost ready to cut loose the debate, but not quite yet.

Before people start to evaluate the options, it helps to first decide what criteria the group will use to make the choice.

If everyone agrees on the criteria, making the decision becomes a simple exercise in asking people to apply the criteria.

If participants don’t agree, things get a little trickier. That’s okay, it’s still better to have the argument about the criteria before evaluating specific proposals.

Allow everyone to have a say

One key to helping the group make the decision is to get them to stop evaluating the options. This point will not come until everyone has had a chance to voice an opinion.

Be proactive in asking all group members what they think. When you offer a general invite, you’ll likely only hear from the boldest group members.

The quiet ones may not speak up unless they are personally invited into the conversation. Don’t mistake their silence for a lack of opinion.

This conversation often goes a lot quicker if you structure it a bit. You might asks people to respond to specific questions such as:

• What do you see as the strengths/weaknesses of each option?
• Which option do you prefer and why?
• Which options would you be willing to support and why?
• Which options do you think should be eliminated and why?

Call for the decision

Eventually, you will sense that everyone has had his or her say. A simple thing you might say to the group at that point is…

“Are you ready to make the decision?”

If you get agreement, ask for everyone’s decision or vote. Use the results to determine what will happen next.

Using these strategies does not guarantee an easy decision, but will at least keep you focused on where you need to be, wrestling with the question.

The post Move a Group from Discussion to Decision appeared first on LaForce Teamwork.

While you may believe that people have (or should have) these skills, my experience suggests otherwise.

Yes, people have vague notions about what they are supposed to do. But they don’t put those ideas into practice because they aren’t confident about their abilities.

Teach interpersonal skills

The good new is that skills can be taught and then reinforced. Are you willing to help them reach their potential?

Not long ago a workshop participant came up to me afterwards and told me that she liked what I presented, but didn’t think it would have much effect.

Her suggestion was to add more role playing and practice to the session so that people can actually try out the ideas and receive some expert feedback.

I agreed with her. Completely.

That day I was delivering another company’s materials. The sessions I build are different. They are all about the practice. I want people to leave confident that they understand how to apply what they’ve learned in tough circumstances. They need skills they can draw on when it counts.

There are many skills, that when well-practiced, support teamwork. Here are six that must be on your list.

1. Listening

To have any chance for success, team members must understand one another. Listening is the skill that most helps people do that.

While listening doesn’t seem like it should be that hard, it is. In a work environment filled with distractions, people have a difficult time tuning in and demonstrating that they are listening.

2. Expressing wants and needs

Many problems at work (and at home) can be summed up as “My co-workers aren’t living up to my expectations.” The problem is that the coworker may well be clueless about those expectations because you never clearly and directly said what you wanted.

There are four reasons we don’t communicate wants and needs:

1. We don’t believe it’s right to ask others for what we want.
2. We think others already know what we want.
3. We don’t know how to ask in a way that will be clearly understood.
4. We are afraid they might say “No” to our request.

About 80% of workplace relationship problems would disappear if team members would just start making their needs known to one another. The skill is known as assertiveness.

3. Providing feedback

Most of us want to do a good job. We want to be liked and respected by our coworkers.

The reality is that sometimes we don’t do a good job and have coworkers who are mad at us. The question is whether or not we know it.

If we are to make the necessary adjustments, we need to be aware of how we are doing. That requires feedback.

We need people who are willing to tell us whether we are on track. Ideally they not only have the will to share the feedback, but also the skills to do it in a manner that produces the desired result.

4. Receiving feedback

This skill has only recently been added to my list because when I’ve asked employees what keeps them from delivering feedback to their coworkers, they tell me they are afraid of the response.

For all the effort I’ve put into helping people deliver feedback, I’ve come to believe that the more effort should be focused on the other end for the communication process. Employees need to be able to hear a tough message and respond professionally.

I’ve heard far too many tales of responses that justify the fear.

5. Conflict resolution

People at work have different wants, needs, preferences, goals, styles, and skills. All this diversity almost certainly leads to disagreement.

Employees that succeed aren’t the ones who avoid conflict, but rather those who recognize it and have the skills required for engaging in conversations that lead to positive resolutions.

There are proven processes and techniques for resolving conflicts. Do your employees use them?

6. Empathy

This is the ability to connect with people on an emotional level. It’s the appreciation for another person’s feelings and circumstances.

This deepened sense of understanding and connection between people strengthens the relationship.

Imagine working with people who were loaded with empathy.

Develop your plan

If building a better team is on your to-do list, start by helping your employees improve their relationship skills.

We would like to be your partners in this effort. We can create and deliver hands-on sessions that will change behaviors.

Let’s start a conversation about the skill building needs you see within your organization.

The post Employees Get Along When they Have These 6 Interpersonal Skills appeared first on LaForce Teamwork.

So what’s your next move? Let me help. We’ll make it a multiple choice question:

1. Ignore the eye roll and proceed to sell your suggestion.
2. Ask the eye roller, “What do you think about my suggestion?”
3. Say to the person who gave you the eye roll, “Do you have some sort of problem with your eyes?”
4. Grab the person after the meeting and say, “I saw the eye roll you gave me, and I didn’t appreciate it one bit.”
5. Say to the person, “It looks like you might have a concern with my suggestion. Am I reading you right?”
6. An option better than the five I’ve provided. Describe it now.

Got your answer? Read on to figure out if your choice is the best option.

An eye roll is a fight starter

There are lots of ways to start fights with coworkers. Responding to their ideas and actions with an eye roll is right up there near the top.

Of course the person doing the eye roll rarely sees it that way. When I talk to eye rollers after getting one directed at me, I’m often met with a supposedly innocent question, “Did I just roll my eyes? Wow, I had no idea.”

If I was to stay in the spirit of passive-aggressive communication, my response would be a sarcastic, “Yeah, right.” And then maybe punctuate it with an eye roll of my own.

You’ll notice I didn’t include that as one of possible responses in the multiple choice test.

Your response to an eye roll is based on your interpretation (And that may be wrong)

My somewhat snotty response would be the result of my interpretation, and it’s here that the whole eye roll problem gets tricky.

Whenever I do a communication workshop, I typically pose the question “What does an eye roll mean?” After giving folks a moment to think, I survey the room for answers. I’m always surprised by how many distinctly different answers I hear.

While everyone agrees that an eye roll is projecting negativity, there is very little agreement on the specifics. The list of possible interpretations I’ve heard include:

• Disbelief
• Disdain
• Frustration
• Contempt
• Dismissal

Some believe the negativity to be directed at the idea while others say it’s directed at the person.

Here’s the problem. Few, if any of us, would ever consider the possibility that an eye roll could mean anything other than our original interpretation. We see it. We are certain of its meaning. More times than not we are wrong.

Because so much information is conveyed via body language, our ability to be effective in this area means getting much better at correctly interpreting what we see.

Pay attention

My advice is simple. Pay attention, but don’t make assumptions.

When you notice something that you believe has meaning, use it as a springboard for more conversation.

An example

Let’s say you are talking with someone, and after making a suggestion, you see an expression come over the other person’s face that you interpret as dislike for your idea. Now you might be right or maybe not. Even if you are, do you know why the person doesn’t like your suggestion? That could be important information.

Instead of proceeding based on your belief that the person is now against you, open up a conversation based on your guess about what you observed. You could say something like, “Looks like maybe you’re not crazy about what I just said. Am I reading you right? I’d like to know more about what you are thinking.”

Your goal is to encourage more conversation so clarity increases with the exchange of language.

Caution, don’t make my mistake

As a warning, you have to be careful about when and how you pursue these conversations. Once I was presenting a workshop and noticed a participant cut loose a big eye roll in response to something I had just said. Or at least that was my assumption.

I decided to engage, and said, “Now that was quite the eye roll. What would you like to say?” She ignored my offer, and I moved on, feeling slightly confused.

After the meeting, she invited me to chat in the hall. I knew I was in trouble.

It turns out my assumption was wrong. I thought her eye roll was directed at me. In reality it was meant for a friend across the table, and the goal was to mock another person who was in the room.

She was upset that I outed her and probably alerted the person she was mocking to the bad behavior. Funny that she didn’t even consider that maybe not doing the eye roll in the first place would have been the better option.

Followup for better results

I follow up on many body language hunches. Some are confirmed. Others show my assumptions to be wrong. Most work out just fine.

With my one caution in mind, I encourage you to start paying more attention to body language. Ask about what you notice. It’s the best way I know to increase understanding.

The post How Should I Respond to My Coworker’s Eye Roll? appeared first on LaForce Teamwork.